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The point of this blog was to talk about traveling with anxiety. But I’ve started to realize that I’ve addressed a lot more of the ‘international’ than the ‘anxious.’ I mean, there’s some stuff scattered in, but it’s not addressed as much. Which is kinda sad. In daily life, it’s really hard to talk about mental health problems. There’s so much stigma surrounding it, so a lot of us stay quiet. I don’t want that to apply to my blog, too. I want this to be a place where mental health can be openly discussed. I want people to realize someone understands and that they aren’t alone. I want to talk about some of the more uncomfortable topics people may avoid. I want to look at cultural differences in response to mental health. So we need to talk.

Trigger warnings: mentions of self-harm, suicide, depression, and anxiety

My Mental Health Story

I don’t love to share my story, but if I’m not willing to talk about my struggles, how can I expect anyone else to start talking about theirs? Wouldn’t I just be adding to the culture of silence? As uncomfortable as it makes me, I need to start this post out with a bit of my own testimony. I won’t go into very much detail for privacy reasons, but I’ll cover the basics.

I was super extraverted and pretty carefree as a kid. But some lengthy, back-to-back family health crises and a big move during them kickstarted my mental health struggles. I was sick with anxiety every morning before school because I was so nervous. Thing is, I didn’t know that was what it was. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I eventually got so bad and missed so much school (abridged version) that I ended up homeschooled.

That didn’t stop my mental health from declining, unfortunately. I also became depressed and started self-harming in ‘small ways’ (e.g., scratching). I started breaking under the pressure I was putting on myself and began having suicidal fantasies. Because I was alone most of the time (I homeschooled online before it was cool), it took a while before anyone realized how bad I’d gotten, and even then, no one knew the extent of it.

I tried counseling a few times during middle and high school, but it never seemed to help me. I knew my faulty thoughts and what was wrong with them, but that didn’t change anything. One counselor told me I’d come to depend on/need my anxiety because it got me to perform well in school and other stuff. I couldn’t make any changes because I didn’t know how to live without it.

Starting uni — abroad, at that– didn’t help. My mental health spiraled, and I had several complete breakdowns. I almost dropped out of uni on multiple occasions, and I think my parents half-expected it, too. My first summer, I went to Oman, which pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that I decided to start taking medication for my anxiety. Returning to uni, I was better for a semester. But when my friend group started crumbling, so did I. I began self-harming again and having more suicidal fantasies. My depression was so bad that all I could do was sleep and watch TV. I stopped going to events and to church, becoming more and more isolated.

Fortunately, I had a great friend who was there for me and got me to open up. She offered a listening ear and tried to get me back to events and church. When I went home for the summer, I got put on a new medication, which was WAY too high a dosage, so please do your own research on any meds you get put on. This dosage sent me into a mental break, complete with disassociation and a self-harm/cutting addiction. An adjusted prescription and prayer from a core group of friends made a huge difference, and I did eventually get better.

I’m still a very anxious and depressed person, and I’m waiting for evaluations to see whether I have other conditions, too. I experience occasional hallucinations, low energy, and bouts of paranoia. Mental health problems don’t always go away completely. Sometimes they do, but not always. Don’t beat yourself up if your struggles don’t leave just because you started therapy or confided in a friend or went on meds. It’s a long, hard battle.

Mental Health Stats

Now that I’ve been way too vulnerable on the internet, here are some statistics to further prove you aren’t alone. These are just based on known instances, too. It doesn’t count anyone who hasn’t been diagnosed or sought professional help for their struggles. (I can’t take credit for any of this. Follow the links for more info.)

• About 5% of adults (about 3.8% of the global population or 280 million people) around the world have depression (WHO).
• 1 in every 8 people has a mental disorder (WHO).
• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorders, with around 4% of the global population suffering from at least one. 1 in 4 people with an anxiety disorder also receive treatment for it (WHO).
• About 17% of people will self-harm at some point, with an average age of first occurrence being at age 13 (The Recovery Village).
• 703,000 people commit suicide every year, with many, MANY more attempting it. It is the fourth leading cause of death for those aged 15-29 (WHO).

This isn’t a remotely conclusive list. If there are any other stats you’re curious about, leave a comment or contact me, and I’ll try to add it to the list. But you know what this means? You aren’t the only one. Mental health isn’t limited to certain parts of the world. It’s a universal concern (whether it gets addressed or not) that people of all cultures and backgrounds may have experience with (though it may not look the same).

Myth Busting

Like I said in the beginning, there’s a lot of stigma surrounding mental health. I wanted to take a few bullet points to challenge common myths, stereotypes, or misconceptions about mental health.

• Depression is not the same as laziness.
• An anxious person is not just making excuses.
• Self-harm is not attention-seeking. Yes, that can occur, but the overwhelming majority of self-harmers don’t want others to know about it.
• Self-harm is not the same as a suicide attempt.
• All forms of self-harm are equally serious. Scratching or hitting might not seem like a big deal because they aren’t cutting or burning, but that doesn’t mean they’re any better.
• To a suicidal person, suicide is not always selfish. A lot of us feel like a burden to our loved ones. We know they have their own problems, and we can’t take most of them away, but we can remove ourselves. Keep in mind, also, that when you’re in that place, you’re probably not thinking objectively. (I could argue that people are selfish for thinking only about the impact on them when someone they know commits suicide, but that might be too argumentative.)
• It’s not okay for doctors/professionals to medically gaslight you or dismiss you. That one maybe isn’t a myth, but I feel like it’s important to say.

Tips (I guess)

I’ve had trouble finding tips or tricks that actually work for me, so this section will be short. I’d love to see conversation in the comments about this, so please share anything that works for you!

• Deep breathing. I like doing an inhale for the count of 4, then an exhale for the count of 8. You may need to work your way to 8, so maybe start with 6. I’ve also heard of a count of 4 in, then hold for 4, then exhale for 6. Up to you.
• Find a category around you. Pick a color, or a shape, or a texture, or something. Now examine your environment and identify as many things as you can of that color, shape, etc. It’s a brief distraction that can calm you down in a hard moment.
• Community. It’s possible to have a social circle without having a community. Having a close group of people (or even just one person!) can make a big difference. I think the biggest turning point for me was when a few people I trusted listened to and prayed for me.
• Calm Harm. This is an app where you can keep track of how long it’s been since you’ve self-harmed and the time of day you’re most likely to feel the strongest urges. It offers a bunch of ideas to calm or distract, and you can add emergency info into it if you’re really worried.
• Suicide hotlines and crisis text lines. I hate phone calls, but there are text alternatives. The resources available to you depend on where you are, so I can’t offer specifics.
• Music. Personally, I like to listen to sad music when I’m feeling down because it explains how I feel when I can’t. Maybe I’ll make a longer list at some point, but some of my favorites are any Christina Perri songs; You Say and Trust in You by Lauren Daigle; Just be Held by Casting Crowns; Paper Crown, Devil Doesn’t Bargain, Shadow of Mine, and Mind is a Prison by Alec Benjamin; Happy by NF; Inner Demons by Julia Brennan; I See Your Monsters by Katie Sky; The Doctor Said by Chloe Adams; and King by Lauren Aquilina. That’s a much longer list than I expected to write, so maybe I really do need to do a post on that.
• CONTROVERSIAL (fight me): If you are going to self-harm, do it safely. Sterilize any blades/items you use. If you’re bleeding, apply pressure to the area until it stops (don’t use tissues, toilet paper, or fuzzy fabrics). Clean any wounds thoroughly with soap and water (even if it means they bleed again) and keep them covered. I’m including a link to first aid and aftercare info.

I don’t really know what else to say in this post. I guess just keep an eye out for anything else that pops up in the new mental health category, and reach out if you have any suggestions for it. I’d love to hear from you all!