Oman is a beautiful country full of amazing, funny, hospitable people. I was able to spend a month there with a friend (regrettably, it was over the summer and during a heat wave), and I loved it. On the flip side, if you’re coming from the West (and/or you don’t speak Arabic), it can be really anxiety inducing. As great as my trip was, and as likely as I am to visit again, it was also the breaking point for me in my personal battle against taking anxiety meds.
Naturally, now I’m on meds and I’m ready to go again. I might be a little masochistic… but back to the point.
Omani culture is built around relationships. Everyone knows someone who knows the person you know kind of thing. And they’re very social. You can’t drop something off at someone’s house without them inviting you to stay for coffee or a meal.
Tip: If an Omani extends an invitation or an offer, deny it once or twice. They’re probably just being polite. You’ll know the offer is genuine if they continue insisting after you’ve declined a couple times.
Invitations can also apply to weddings. You don’t have to know the bride or groom to go. In fact, you don’t always have to know any of the family members. I went to two weddings and an engagement party during my month in Oman, and my friend (who lives in Oman) didn’t know most of the people at any of them. She was invited to the first one by a friend who was friends of the family.
Men and women celebrate weddings separately. There’s an official ceremony, then the bride and groom have their own parties. Major cultural differences aside, it’s essentially the same concept as having a ceremony and reception in the U.S.. I can’t tell you anything about how the men celebrate, seeing as I only saw the women’s side of it, so sorry if that’s what you wanted to know.
For women attending an Omani wedding, dress nice. Omani women don’t have to cover when men aren’t present. They’ll be decked out in prom style dresses with a ton of make-up, gorgeous henna, and fancy hairstyles. Sometimes, depending on the family and the region, they might wear traditional clothing, which is absolutely beautiful (though, admittedly not the most comfortable thing I’ve ever worn). If you’re worried that your clothes aren’t fancy enough, don’t worry too much (I know, I know, there’s that phrase again). Try to find a decent abaya and either style your hair nicely or wear a pretty scarf/hijab. I wore my nicer scarves to all the weddings, and my outfit ranged from a simple shirt and skirt (I hadn’t been able to buy an abaya yet) to traditional clothing from the Sharqiyah region (my friend had nice neighbors close to my size), to a nice abaya. It’s not usually a big deal. It might feel like it if you stick out like a sore thumb, but if I’m being honest, you’re going to stick out no matter what you wear unless you’re Arab.
So you’ve chosen your outfit and arrived at the wedding. Now what? Now you pick a table and see what happens. If you were directly invited (like my friend was; her invitation extended to me and another American woman), then you’ll look for the woman who invited you. If she’s there, you’ll usually sit with her (unless she’s already at a full table or she’s busy talking). If you end up at a table alone, you kind of just play on your phone or admire the room. There’s always a couch at the front of the room with so. many. decorations. They looked nice at the weddings I went to, but I’m told it can easily be overdone.
If you take pictures, make sure none of the other women are in them. They might take pictures with you, but they usually won’t let you take pictures with them. There’s nothing wrong with taking selfies or taking pictures of the room, though.
Whether you start out at your own table or with someone else, expect people to come over and start chatting with you. (Good luck hearing them over the blasting music.) Always shake their hands, and always with your right hand. If you don’t speak Arabic, you might be doomed, but it depends on the family. I was dependent upon the two American women I was with to translate for me. Because I was socially awkward, shy, and overwhelmed, the Omani women who spoke English didn’t want to talk to me much either. To them, I came across as uninterested in talking or antisocial (or anything along those lines, I forget exactly what they said I was like).
At some point during your selfie session and socializing, you might’ve noticed that the bride isn’t there. She won’t show up for a couple hours. When she does show up, she’ll walk down a red carpet to the couch. It’ll take a while because the photographer will take a gazillion pictures after each step the bride takes. And you can usually tell the dresses are pretty heavy, because it can look like a struggle for the bride to walk. When she makes her way to the couch, she’ll sit there for the rest of the wedding. The other women will dance and party, but she won’t move from the front of the room.
Now comes the part that nearly broke me: the dancing/party. At the first wedding I went to, my friend didn’t realize I had anxiety. We didn’t get a chance to discuss stuff like that until after that wedding. I was already stressing out because this was a completely new and overstimulating environment filled with women I’d never met who spoke only a language I didn’t (and still don’t) speak. The women at my table (including the two Americans I’d gone with) all went to the dance floor with the other women, leaving me sitting alone. I was kind of grateful for it, since it gave me a little more room to calm myself down before the anxious crying started.
Remember at the beginning when I said Oman is full of hospitable people? They’re hospitable to a level I’ve never seen in the U.S. or UK. They’re also extremely persistent. The woman who’d invited my friend realized I was sitting alone while everyone else was celebrating. She kept gesturing for me to join them, but I just smiled and shook my head. No is not an answer a determined Omani will accept.
This woman, who had never met me before that night and who couldn’t communicate a word with me, walked over from the dance floor, grabbed me by the hand, and dragged me over to join everyone. She wanted to make sure I was included, which I greatly appreciate. I tried to remind myself that she was being really nice and hospitable to me, even if it resulted in a complete and total freak out on my end.
Just listening to the blasting music and watching all the people dancing had been overwhelming for me. Now I was in the middle of it. I had to bite back panic tears as I joined the dancing (thankfully it was simple dancing, so that didn’t make things too much worse).
Tip: Learn how to communicate you have anxiety, or at least that you’re afraid, in Arabic. They might not understand or accept it, but your odds will be better than simply turning them down with, “No, shukran”. (Shukran is Arabic for ‘thank you’.)
Just before I reached my absolute limit, the American women and I went to congratulate the bride. I wish I could tell you how to do this in Arabic, but I’m not sure I remembered it correctly when I said it then, so I couldn’t tell you now. All I can tell you is I used it as my escape and returned to the table.
Relief only lasted about a minute or two before it was time for food (a buffet). It. Was. CHAOS. At the first wedding, it was a mob of women in a tiny space all pushing past each other. I was separated from the other American women and got stuck in a corner. Eventually, some of the Omani women must’ve realized I was helpless and they helped me out, either by letting me through or by putting stuff on my plate.
The dinners at the engagement party and other wedding I went to were a little more controlled, but they were also in bigger spaces, which helped. And once my friend realized I have anxiety and had struggled at the first wedding, she helped me out by clueing me in on the best times to get food (usually just before the meal officially started when no one was at the buffet tables yet) and getting me out of dancing.
The meal is usually the last main part of the wedding. After that, the groom will arrive. All the women will rush to cover back up with abayas and hijabs so he can enter the room. He’ll walk down the same red carpet as his bride and join her on the couch. Pictures will be taken and everyone will congratulate them.
This is the end of the wedding, and you’re free to leave pretty much any time after the food. I’d recommend leaving before the groom comes if you don’t know him. The groom’s friends will often block his car in so he can’t leave, whether as a tradition or just a really common joke, I’m not sure. I just know it results in the entire parking lot being blocked so no one can leave. If you do know the groom, want to stay until the end anyway, or you just don’t realize how soon the groom is coming, you should probably park closer to the exit of the parking lot, ready to pull straight out (don’t back out if you don’t have to). Otherwise you might not be able to leave for some time.
Overall, Omani weddings are a really good experience. The first one I went to was by far the most overwhelming. I had only been in Oman a couple days, I don’t speak Arabic, it was generally more chaotic, and I didn’t know what to expect. The engagement party and other wedding went much smoother for me. Admittedly, these events can be a little hard to enjoy if you can’t communicate with anyone, but it’s a great insight into the culture and the best opportunity to try new foods.
I think if you know what to expect and can either speak the language or know someone who can translate for you, an Omani wedding is definitely something you should try to get invited to. Just remember some of the key tips:
- Don’t accept an invitation or offer the first time you’re asked.
- Go in prepared to be overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. Being unprepared makes it harder to calm down in the moment.
- The women aren’t aiming to make you uncomfortable if they try to get you to do something. They’re just being kind, inclusive, and hospitable. They don’t want you to be left out.
- Get food when the first few people start to get it. Don’t wait until it’s announced and everyone gets up.
- Dress nice if you can. If you’re asked to wear traditional clothing, find a nice neighbor. I honestly don’t have any other suggestions for that. Traditional clothes are tailored (most clothing there is) and expensive, so you’re probably not getting it in time for the wedding. If you don’t have any nice clothes, wear a nice scarf and breathe.
- Leave early or park somewhere where you can easily get out of the parking lot.
- Shake hands, eat, and drink with your RIGHT HAND ONLY. Your left hand is considered unclean there.
- Don’t take pictures with other women in them (unless they’ve given you permission). That’s a big deal there. They might actually watch you while you’re taking pictures to make sure they won’t be in them.
- Try different foods. I went in as a picky eater, and after I left, everything tasted super bland. I still can’t go back.
Ready to brave your first Omani wedding? I wish you luck, my friend. I hope you enjoy every moment of it.